Reverse Counting

There are lots of colorful memories here. The top of them are the moments of laughter from his collection of riddles and funny stories.  And that at the end of each jokes and stories comes his pieces of advice. Then a short silence would come after as I try to absorb his words of wisdom.

He had never shown any weakness to me just as we could still manage to come here even in his old age. I could no longer remember how many stories we had but for sure the plants and animals that once lived around are the primary witnesses.

Sitting on this rock while watching the birds on the skyline heading to the trees on our side while waiting for the sun to sink behind the ranges of mountain are one of the most favorites during summer. Then the bright green fields start to run darker and darker as the sky is turning into a vast orange canvass. It is beautiful.

I could not help to turn around and around and around and shout loudly at the end when we would reach this place. I bend my neck to listen to the immediate reply of the mountains. Then I would laugh and so the mountains would laugh too in return. The place is really so stunning. It is our heaven here on earth.

 One time I asked him, 'Where would that big bright ball go?'  I did not wait for his reply so I answered my question so gullible. "It is like hiding himself at the back of the mountains...or maybe he is just going home and his house is over there...but he comes out at that place...I said again while pointing my finger at the ocean. He just smiled. Then I asked him again, 'if that is a big ball of fire, how come that it does not damp off from the water? He comes out from there. I think the ocean has lots of water to put his fire off.' He was supposed to speak a word but I went to him and cuddled to his arms like I so missed him so much.

Summer is the best time to come here. At least I do it with him. He would patiently accompany me. He is the best buddy I have ever met and staying here for a night once every summer makes me feel closer to him.

The crickets starts to make sounds and the birds living on the trees at our side are starting to sing. The wind starts to blow cold as the darkness starts to consume the land. Then the stars start to twinkle like dancing lights hanging on the outside walls of every house in the village during Christmas.

I closed my eyes. And everything came back rushing within my soul. I can’t help but to remember him. It has been a year now since he left us. This is now the start to count years of being away from him as he has been done with his reverse counting.

"I might only live for the next three to five years. Or at least from now, I may start to count down from five." he said while trying to raise his right hand. I could not speak any word at all. Sitting beside him and seeing his hand curved with many years of labor stopped my senses. And when he started to shed a tear from his sad eyes, I felt nothing but his deep breathe.

I gave him a hug. There I felt his body in the weakest. Then he said, "You need to be brave. This will not just be for you to face this coming years that I will be with you. But for other people who will for sure lean on your shoulders when I am gone."

Reverse counting. We usually do it to trigger the excitement. We count down the days for the Christmas celebration to come. We countdown for the new year to come with all the fancy foods and fireworks display. We launch a rocket to the sky within 10-second reverse counting and start to play the F1 race in 3, 2, 1.

I thought of what could have been the difference if we count our days in reverse manner. This is just like the movie In Time, where everyone is born with a designated period   to exist on earth. Though in here, we could not borrow or take others’ time to live more.

I would say that everything could be so organized. We set things in the most efficient manner and live life the most out of it. There will be no later. There will be no postponement. Everything shall come on time.

But frustrations would be a desperate avoidance or should not at least happen at all. Time could be the most precious and life could be the tightest. We would tend to value everything and at least prepare for the set day when we would lose our love ones.

And so in the end, everything comes to reality. I remember again my grandfather especially the days when we were together.

Those words were tinted in every portion of my heart. I could even hear them in my dreams and when I am alone.

Today, I have only one prayer in my hand; that his words would somehow be kept to my children and to my grandchildren, not as my words but his wisdom. That in time, when I need to reverse count, I would rest in peace and in love with his words:
 

Be patient like the stars.

They are uncomplaining to wait for the time to shine!

Be strong like the sun.

It is untiring to come back every day to share its light to the world.

Be open like the ocean.

It has wide shoulders to carry lots of things to be learned.

Be lovely like the fields.

It has the serenity to express happiness.

Be like this rock.

It endures to stay for decades to let you show the beauty of the stars, of the sun, of the ocean and of this world.

To my grandfather: I will forever listen to your words. It may not be here in our rock. At least in my heart, your wisdom will forever mark your existence especially the love and understanding you shared without conditions.

I feel you. I feel your heart. I feel you are alive as long as I am alive. I will see you again. We will reunite in the heavens where nothing fails and no reverse counting at all!

Reverse Counting

Thursday, June 20, 2013

10:27 AM