My Last Love Letter

Dear Haide,

I knew from the start that this is happening and of course, I knew it too that we may be happily lived ever after just as the many endings of fairy tales. That was my dream. It could be funny but for real I have dreamt of you to becoming my princess in our little palace- adoring you and taking care of you like a fragile glass; giving you the happiness you deserve while we are taking care of our little princesses and princes.

Do you still remember the time when we first started talking and how we both felt about each other? I would say that that is one of the happiest memories together. I was boundlessly thinking of you even when we part ways. You covered my whole night with your face. My ears could not stop hearing your sweet voice and my arms could still feel the warmth of your hand when you thanked about making an introductory speech.

Days have passed. I kept on missing you. I wanted to see you again. We kept in touch through SMS and I could not help then myself to wait for your replies.

Then one day, we had our first dinner in a cheap and noisy restaurant. But that was never ordinary on my part. It was just like only me and you. It was never in my thoughts that it would happen.

Every day was a Hey day since then. You became my playmate. You became my best buddy. I was so deeply motivated and inspired. I studied hard to prove my worth for you for many guys I knew has also admiration to you. I just could not tell them to stop it for they are on their senior years. It made me so proud though that one of the lovely girls in the city was mine.

Your text messages became the food to my meals. Your calls became the air to my lungs. You kept me going, smiling and dreaming. You were then the best evidence that life is beautiful.

I have loved you so much. You have showed to me how important I am to your life just as how I showed your place in my heart.  

Just like the other guys out there, I became the happiest man in the world when we became in relationship. Though I could not tell if I have courted you but of course you could not tell if you have said yes. I could not even tell when we were in a relationship already. It was just so mutual that our hearts have understood each other and no words have to be spoken out.

I kept on re-reading all our conversations saved on my hard disk and I could not help myself smiling like it is the first time reading them. Those were well kept and at least now you know that I have once treasured them much.

I do not regret every moment we had together even up to the silliest and up to the most stupid things we have done before. But then, I became weak at some point. I became afraid so much that I wanted to go away. This broke my heart. I did pierce my heart by my own decision to hide away from you. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to talk to you and let you hear my heart deeply sorrowed of being coward.

We haven't spoken in a while and I'm trying to be okay with that. This could be my last letter for you though it would be the first one. It has been a month since the last time we met and yet the pain is still here in my heart. All of my visions turned into smaller pieces that I could hardly think of how I would put them back together. The wind has blown them away and the pieces were wet by the rain. All were gone and me standing alone now here at the corner.

I admit I really miss how things used to be. But I can also admit, that I've accepted the fact that things have changed. And I can also admit that there is still pain I made it by myself.

I do not know yet how to start again. Living without you could be the hardest part for now. I think I need enough courage to face what lies ahead on the road. I think it would take much time to heal the wound that my own hands did and it keeps on giving me pain during the night, of much tears on my pillows and sad faces during the day.

I know that you love me. I could feel that even now that you are gone. But I'll still be there for you when you need me.

I wish I could re-live that one time where everything was perfect between us. I don't need a perfect relationship though, I just need someone who won't give up on me and I thought that was you.

Still waiting but maybe moving on soon,

Phil

.….written during a month of missing you, since the last time we had a talk……

…….and now I am so happy that we are friends again…….